I'm not sure if "paying it forward" is a good term for something I've been practicing lately, but it's similar. When considering emotional well-being, I noticed that people (me included) sometimes have a tendency to base our decisions on what we're "owed" or what others have done for us. For example, I recently had a discussion about someone who simply did not want to help with another person's bridal showers because that friend hadn't helped with her own. Some part of me understands this mentality.
On the other hand, when I really consider it, this type of thinking leads to a vicious circle of always measuring what others do for us, and always tempering our giving based on what we think they deserve. If we are deciding what they deserve, in a way, we're judging them. And besides, we aren't seeing the full picture and taking into account what may have caused them to behave a certain way. Maybe they were also considering our past inconsiderate moments. Maybe they were having a tough time at home, or at work.
The point is, this type of "what they deserve" philosophy doesn't really work. Does giving freely with no regard to others' behaviors work? Not exactly - sometimes people are simply selfish and will take advantage. Balance is necessary.
At any rate, I decided several weeks back that I needed to practice being happy for others and giving from my heart based on what felt good, instead of on what others have done for me in the past. To give for love, instead of to give to get something back.
Am I really good at it yet? Maybe not, it's a change, and my protective mechanisms try to kick in sometimes. But I'm working on it. And those moments of giving love just to give it end up making me feel better than I did before anyway...so who is this really benefiting? I think it might be contributing more to my own well-being than that of the receivers of the love! Worth the effort? Definitely.
Being a couple of months into this process, I am looking back to see how effective I feel I am being. In short, I feel amazing. This process of taking a year to be the best ME I can be is not something I am strictly measuring. I am not creating a daily requirement for myself. But I am keeping this constant aim for health on all levels in my mind and heart as I live each day. It creates a subtle shift in perception, but that leads to small changes in action, which leads to big changes in emotions and well-being.
In terms of my physical health, the combination of proactively addressing health concerns by getting a full physical and talking with my doctor (and even choosing a primary care doc), deciding to move ahead with Invisalign, working out often, eating better, more yoga and reflexology - it has all added up to my body feeling the healthiest I've possibly ever felt. A positive body perception has also been really important - remembering it's NOT about being skinny, it's about being healthy. I feel healthy.
My emotional and mental health have been far improved as well. I am really able to enjoy people more. I have accepted some of my own personal needs in relationships and am able to send love to people who fill those needs without feeling a gaping hole of need for them to return it. It feels nice. And perhaps not so strangely, I am forming stronger relationships now. While I still love to plan fun things, I am more able to enjoy the moment. Meditation, journaling, and opening myself to new spiritual paths has done me a world of amazing good, and I feel different inside for simply being open with myself.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "People only see what they are prepared to see." By preparing myself to see love, light, and beauty, I feel I am seeing them more each day. For me, it's great progress, and I am thrilled to see how the rest of the year goes. At this rate, I will be on Cloud 9 as I turn 30.
